A NEW ELEMENT HAS BEEN FOUND
Recent hurricanes and climatic issues are proof of the existence of a new
chemical element. Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet
known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons & 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction (that would normally
take less than a second) to be delayed any time from four days to fourteen years.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which some of the assistant neutrons
& deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed
with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as
much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.