You are not connected. Please login or register

The Official Joke Thread

Go to page : 1, 2  Next

View previous topic View next topic Go down  Message [Page 1 of 2]

1 The Official Joke Thread on Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:26 pm

Guest


Guest
let's see how well this goes.


A Short Story.........


One day, a long, long time ago, there lived

a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch...










but it was a long time ago... and it was just that one day.


The End

2 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:27 pm

Guest


Guest
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to
see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked
up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the
pillow that was addressed to Dad. With the worst
premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and
read the letter.


Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I
wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been
finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I
knew you would not approve of her because of all her
piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact
that she is much older than I am. But it's not only
the passion. Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a
dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my
eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading
it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and
ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves
it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to
take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to
visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, your son John







PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at
Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there
are worse things in life than a report card. That's in
my center desk drawer.

3 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:28 pm

Guest


Guest
A NEW ELEMENT HAS BEEN FOUND

Recent hurricanes and climatic issues are proof of the existence of a new
chemical element. Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet
known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons & 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction (that would normally
take less than a second) to be delayed any time from four days to fourteen years.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which some of the assistant neutrons
& deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed
with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as
much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. lol!

4 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:30 pm

Guest


Guest
A man walks into a bank, gets in line, and when it is his turn he pulls
out a gun and robs the bank!
But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses.
He turns around and asks the next customer in line:
"Did you see me rob this bank?"
The customer replies. "YES!"
The bank robber raises his gun, POINTS IT AT HIS HEAD, and BANG!!!!!..
SHOOTS HIM IN THE HEAD AND KILLS HIM!
He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man..."DID
YOU SEE ME ROB THIS BANK????"
The man calmly responds..."No.. but my wife did!" tongue

5 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:22 pm

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

View user profile

6 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:23 pm

A man and his wife are doing yard work. The husband says to the wife, "Your rear end is as wide as the grill." She ignores the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill. Then goes over to his wife while she is bending over working in a flower bed, he measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!"

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. She calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

View user profile

7 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:37 pm

Guest


Guest
"MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD"

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

'Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith...He's hidin'
marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside
them logs, but he's hidin' it there.."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

(Rednecks know how to git-R-dun).

8 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:38 pm

Guest


Guest
You Can't Fix Stupid


As always, competition this year has been keen. The candidates this year are...


Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed , burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital .

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door , a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham,who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and the tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'

9 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Thu Jan 29, 2009 11:29 am

Guest


Guest
Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be
married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The
conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex
lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by
engaging in some S&M role playing. The following week they met up
again to compare notes.
>
> Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
>
> The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only screwed all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"
>
> The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask."
>
> When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, "Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?''

10 this is good on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:03 am

True Story from Houston Medical Center

A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his hoohoo.

According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girlfriend found the ring in
his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip
the ring on his hoohoo while he was asleep.

I don't know what's worse:

1) Having your girlfriend find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your hoohoo.
3) Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring.

View user profile

11 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:05 am

Never Choke in a restaurant in the South

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they
talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to
cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya
swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down
her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his
tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the
Hillbilly walks slowly back t o the bar.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver'
but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

View user profile

12 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:05 am

Nominated as the world's best short joke.
>
> A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while
> taking a bath.
> 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
> 'Not yet,' she replied.

View user profile

13 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:06 am

I want to live my next life backwards!

You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat.

Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend
several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks.

When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're
too young to work.

So then, you go to high school: play sports, date, drink, and party.

As you get even younger, you become a kid again.

You go to elementary school, play, and have no responsibilities.

In a few w years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged
keeping you happy.

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like
conditions: central heating, room service on tap.

Until finally...You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

View user profile

14 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:07 am

6 Truths of Life
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try
> it.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 3. The first truth is a lie.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Sorry about this I was An Idiot too, And Needed Company....

View user profile

15 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:09 am

How important does a person have to be
before they are considered assassinated
instead of just murdered?


Once you're in heaven,
do you get stuck wearing the clothes
you were buried in for eternity?


What disease did cured ham
actually have?


How is it that we put man on the moon
Before we figured out it would be
A good idea to put wheels on luggage?


If a deaf person has to go to court,
Is it still called a hearing?


Why do doctors leave the room
while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.


Why is "bra" singular
and "panties" plural?


Can a hearse carrying a corpse
Drive in the carpool lane ?


If the professor on Gilligan's Island
can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


If Wilie E. Coyote had enough money to buy
all that ACME crap,
why didn't he just buy dinner?


If corn oil is made from corn,
and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?


If electricity comes from electrons,
Does morality come from morons?


Do the Alphabet song
and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
have the same tune?


Why did you just try singing
the two songs above?


Why do they call it an asteroid
when it's outside the hemisphere,
but call it a hemorrhoid
when it's in your ass?


Did you ever notice that when you blow
in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?

View user profile

16 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:09 am

Tarzan's Sex Life....

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

"Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said "Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, Jane said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed "What did you do that for?"

Tarzan replied, "Check for bees".

View user profile

17 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:11 am

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana
He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an
E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio
station 103.2 on FM
dial in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a
worst job
experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another
note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the
office. I know you've been feeling
down lately at work, so I thought I would
share my dilemma with you to
make you realize it's not so bad after
all

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you
with
a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at
the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to
the office. It's a wet suit. This
time of year the water is quite
cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We
have a diesel powered
industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks the
water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature.

It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which is
taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and
I've
used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get
to the bottom and start working, is take the
hose and stuff it down the back
of my wet suit. This floods my whole
suit with warm water. It's like working
in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt
started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things
worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose
out
from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had

happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped
it into my
suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the
jellyfish
couldn't stick to it However, the crack of my butt was not as

fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was
actually grinding
the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed
the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions
were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all
laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was
instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling
thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry

decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing
but
my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of
laughter
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub
it
on my butt as soon as
I got in the chamber.

The cream put the
fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because
my butt was swollen
shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much

worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now
repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

Now
whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad

day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

View user profile

18 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:12 am

Subject: WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS

WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS


The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the
computer screen which read:A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong e-mail address...

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly
icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their
honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate the travel
schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday,with
his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he
decided to send a e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one
letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her
husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a
heart attack.

The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting mess ages f rom relatives and
friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.


To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you
are allowed to send E-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been
checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine
was.

PS. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!

View user profile

19 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:14 am

Thought for the day:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

View user profile

20 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:15 am

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to
teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a
nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have
to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just
a minute, I have to go pee." The teacher responded by
saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

"What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go t o
the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but
it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
the dinner table."

"And you, little Eddie, can you use your brain for
once and show us your good manners?" "I would say,
"Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I
have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine,
whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

The teacher fainted...

View user profile

21 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:15 am

A man went to the doctor to get a double dose of Viagra, but his request was denied.

"Why can't I have a double dose?" the man asked.

"It's not safe," the doctor replied.

"But I need it re ally bad," the man explained. "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, one of my ex's will be here on Saturday, and my wife is coming home on Sunday."

"Okay, I'll give it to you," the doctor relented. "But you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check to see if there are any side effects."

On Monday the man dragged himself into the doctor's office with his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"

The man said, "No one showed up."

View user profile

22 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:20 am

Why, Why, Why ,
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it 's you.

View user profile

23 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Wed Feb 04, 2009 7:18 pm

Guest


Guest
A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared up I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph.

Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 10 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back"

"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper

24 marriage .... on Fri Feb 06, 2009 9:00 am

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

View user profile

25 Re: The Official Joke Thread on Fri Feb 06, 2009 10:51 am

Guest


Guest
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passennger.

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass -. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shat?

Sponsored content


View previous topic View next topic Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 2]

Go to page : 1, 2  Next

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum